There’s Always More


It is Sunday, March 29th, and I’ve just finished online streaming church service
because….Rona. It’s been days since I’ve been outside for more than a 2 to 3 hour time gap
(Groceries, Target, etc.). I decided to turn off my phone today because I could no longer stand
the usual wake-up, grab my phone, and bombard myself with the constant true and false reports
from this virus. My mind has been a mixture of anxiousness, worried feelings and self-doubt. As
a freelance creative, the idea that I may need to cut back, save, and budget is not a new
concept, but my intuition very early on told me this next season will feel like more than I can
handle. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bigger was coming. Some days I felt positive
about this lingering idea, but other days I could feel myself shrinking in fear from what was to
come.
“Lord, please give me clarity on WHAT I’m feeling and WHY I am feeling this way!”
My spiritual being really kicked in and I began to feel closer to God. There were things being
revealed to me through people and through my experiences, but simultaneously, my reality and
physical state were not aligning. My styling contracts were being canceled! I couldn’t negotiate
future fashion projects! None of my go-to resources were available! My friends and close
confidants were occupied with their own problems. Physically, I had no appetite, and I had not
been sleeping for weeks. It became so hard that the strongest I felt would be Sunday mornings
sitting in service. I knew that I was protected from those negative thoughts for just the two hours
I was there. I could refocus on the fact that God had more for me than what was being given.
As COVID-19 made its introduction, the hysterical feelings I forcefully tried to repress also made
their debut. My final safe space was taken away. “All nonessential establishments will be closed
until further notice!” ”No gatherings of more than 200 people!” No more Sunday morning saving
grace. Devastated, I cried.
“Lord, I know this is bigger than me, but please grant me resiliency!
Something was different when I prayed this time. It felt like I was in conversation with God. I
remember it wasn’t an outer body experience or a vision in my sleep, but it was just a stillness
and a small voice guiding me to remember my favorite scripture. It’s JEREMIAH 29:11: “For I
know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil,
to give you an expected end.” My pastor, Toure Roberts, Sr Pastor of One Church LA, taught
from this scripture explaining that the chaos is temporary. He explained “…to give you an
expected end” translates to give you HOPE (expected) and a FUTURE (end). Now, I find
comfort in the fact that my trials and tribulations WON’T and DON’T last! To put things into
perspective, COVID-19 has hysterically brought our world to a halt, but from what I know about
MY God is that there is always more. He will never leave His children in chaos nor allow us to
go through anything He has not equipped us to handle. I am, you are, and the world is stronger
than the effects of COVID-19. Go in peace!

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