There Is Always More… (cont’d)
So, last week when I said, “There’s always more!” I was not expecting Ms. Rona to extend her stay. Thirty more days ladies and gents…30 more days. If you’re anything like me, then your emotional and mental capacity is having a hard time adjusting to this new “normal.” I’ve tried to be as strong, stable and still as possible, but if I’m being honest, my response changes daily. There are days when I’m hopeful and accepting of this situation, but the days of self-doubt, anxiousness, and worry have definitely taken its toll. Although I pride myself on being resilient and forward thinking in times of chaos, COVID-19 is not like anything I’ve dealt with before. This alone causes me to feel inadequate, and being inside for this long hasn’t been much help either. To be at war with your mind is an internal battle that often needs alternative measures. So, what do you do when you’re overwhelmed with doubt? Jaded by fear? Paralyzed by worry? Bombarded with chaos and confusion? These are my personal questions that I grapple with everyday. Am I as strong as I thought I was? Was I really taking the necessary steps to heal and unlearn? But what I realized is it’s not that I wasn’t healing or that I’m not strong enough, but all the time spent reconstructing and rebuilding myself is now being put to the test! God cannot deliver me if I have no reason to be delivered!
“But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good…” Genesis 50:20
COVID-19 brought in feelings of uncertainty and defeat! I’m realizing my worries are rooted in the unknown, but my willingness to accept what I don’t know activates my faith pushing me to remember God’s word. Genesis 50:20 comforts me when I feel overwhelmed with emotion and succumbed by anxiety. This internal battle of endurance only feels bigger than me because I’m being challenged to be bigger and think bigger. I’m forced to measure up and muster up strength I didn’t know I had. God’s challenging us to come out stronger than we went in. Stronger in our faith and ability to trust in Him even in times of doubt and frustration.
“Lord, please grant me strength in times of weakness, and peace in times of chaos!”
I know my days won’t always feel like victories, but I find comfort in knowing that it won’t last always. In 2 Timothy 2:3, it says, “…you must endure hardness as a good soldier…” My pastor spoke on this scripture explaining that God does confirm hardships, trials, and tribulations will be a part of our journey, but endure signifies that there is an end date. It reveals to us that again that…..There Is Always More!